My Tears On His Shirt

He was acting crazy since morning. I ignored all his stubbornness and kept myself calm. I remained gentle towards all the tantrums of his.

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I even let him play with his toys when he was eating his lunch. But then he ran to the next room and didn’t returned for couple of minutes. I sat where I was and kept calling him up. But he didn’t replied. My mother then stepped up and walked to the room where he was playing. He abruptly reacted and tried to bite on his grandmother’s hand, when she was brought him back in front of me.

All of a sudden, I then lost all control over myself and yelled over him on top of my lungs. He screamed in reply and started to cry. I just looked at him in anger as he kept on shedding tears without making a sound. Few seconds later, I pulled him over to me and hugged him up.

I washed his face later and he finished up his lunch on my lap, calmly. After about 45 minutes, when I placed him on lap for his afternoon nap, he looked at me and gave me his usual smile, as if nothing had happened 45 minutes ago.

That smile shattered my heart into uncountable pieces and I cried. I then cried like a baby while holding my own two and a half year old flesh and blood on my lap. He didn’t noticed my tears on his shirt which I put over him after his bath today. I wet his shirt with my tears, which were nothing but shame and guilt.

As I put him to sleep on my lap, like I normally do, I reminded myself how much my life is now incomplete without him. Not seeing him for couple of days makes me so empty. ALLAH has blessed me with so much and I can proclaim without a doubt in any corner of my mind that he is definitely the biggest gift of my life.

And treating this gift the way I did today is nothing but stupidity and nonsense by a grown man towards a little kid.

I’m sorry my son!!

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20 thoughts on “My Tears On His Shirt

  1. Dear friend, you know how much Iloe “The Girls”. But there are timeswhen I am so exhausted that I also shout at the top of my oice and make them almost cry. And the, I am ashamed because nothing is gained by shouts and cries, and because I am the adult and the one in charge, and I should know better. A hug and a kiss later, they have forgotten, and, better, forgiven. This forgiveness is a gift we lose when we leave childhood.
    You are not the only one to be angry and lose patience. We learn with time and with experiences like the one you have lived this day. God grants us patience. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right! After this incident, I have injected more patience in my blood and now I stay as calm as possible. Because of this, Uzair shows more respect to me now. He is a little kid. The world is new to him and to show him how to live in it, I have to be his best role model.

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    2. As I am “Big Sister” to “The Girls”. Patience comes with love. Love is not so easy to practice eve with our kin, our blood and flesh. It is like a garden to till and tend with prayers, care, selflessness…
      And patience is like a flower growing in this garden of love.
      But do not fear: even from afar, I can feel all the love Uzair gets from his parents! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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